Sweet baby...new life is worth the pain!

here is sweet Nazeela the day before she went to the hospital with one of her older sons...Azad...who is 19 or 20...no one here really knows their bday! they all like to say Jan.1st. anyway...i will remember this bday though!
this is shortly after arriving at the hospital. this pic really does not do it justice. you cannot see the grime on the floor and walls or the stains on the beds. you cannot smell that the bathroom is the next room and smells horrible. you don't know what is going through her mind right now as she remembers two years ago in that very bed her last son was pulled from her body and forever deformed. so she chose this time to have a "safe" c-section. after arriving at the hospital at 7:30 we were finally given some notice at 9...at which point they said she did not have all the proper paperwork, so we then went from office to office to pay a few fees and get some bloodwork done and then her husband donated blood so she could have some extra should she need it during the surgery...although i don't know that they checked to see that they had matching blood types...then she had to have an EKG...it was a very OLD machine and she had to humiliatingly strip before an old man doctor who was wanting to practice his english with me and tell me liked christians...very bizarre situation...finally we get all the right paperwork and return to the maternity hall. there are several women there. i never heard any sounds from laboring women though...there were 4 rooms and 6 beds in each room. Nazeela shared her room with 3 other women. 2 also had csections before her. they each returned totally drugged up and in extreme pain. the other woman had lost her baby...she went into premature labor and her baby died at 7 months along. her eyes were the saddest eyes i have looked into...this was her 6th baby to lose. my heart was crying out for her. i was hoping to be able to go into surgery with Nazeela, but at the last minute they kicked me out. i suppose it was a good thing though. the baby was brought out after 20 minutes or so. she was perfect and all swaddled up...literally in strips of cloth...they do not wash the babies there. they have minimum care. you bring your own blankets, pillows, clothes, diapers, food, etc. they practically threw the baby at us and then went back in to sew her up. they put her all the way under and hardly cleaned her up after surgery. it was horrifying when she came out. she was delirious and they made us move her from the gurney to another gurney and wheel her down the hall ourselves and into her room and then move her again onto her own bed. the whole time she is crying out in pain. for the next few hours...we tried to care for her needs and help her come to. she would cry out..."i'm dying, i'm dying". i was so sad for her that she chose this way to bring her baby into the world. she wasn't even able to hold her or hardly look at her. even today 3 days later she doesn't even hold her. she is in too much pain. she is conscious now of course and doing much better, but she didn't bond with her baby right away. there has been so much shame and fear built up around childbirth that she felt she had no other choice than to have a c-section. her eldest daughter who just got married assisted too and was horrified and is saying she does not want children...but of course she knows she has too, but already is so afraid.
but i look at this little baby and it's worth it...it's worth the pain...but they are so filled with fear that they can hardly see past their own pain. but i was so priviledged to be the first to speak words of life over this precious child. i was the first to give her a bath and wash away all the old life and believe that she will not know fear and death the way her family has.
here is her 12 year old sister zeelan seeing her for the first time.
and here i am with this precious new life...Lavine! Nazeela is passed out behind me. there is so much more to say about this whole experience. it hasn't decreased my desire to have more children and maybe this is God's way of giving me more children...i have a dream and passion growing in my heart to teach these women about how it can be...that there can be hope and joy in childbirth...i don't know how it will all come about...somedays i hardly feel like i have enough time or energy to just clean and feed my own 3 children...but it is burning in my heart right now...

9 years of LOVE!

okay...so we look a little hot and bedraggled...but we are still very much in love! we had a great day on the 22nd...our 9th anniversary! we spent the morning picking out some green-ness for our dirt yard...however it is still NOT planted yet...i am afraid they are looking a little sorry too. we suck at gardening...but we got a grape vine, an apricot tree, some kind of flowering bush and a gerbera daisy...for fun. not sure this one will last. we were supposed to get grass from our landlord on this day, but once again got told it would happen and it still has not happened. boo...so we were waiting to plant, but i think tomorrow we will dig a hole for our "new life"...they might die, but it will not be symbolic of anything else, other than...well i already said it...we suck at gardening.
for our date that night, our amazing friends and upstairs neighbors Josh and Bevin watched our kids. they came in with a basket full of goodies. they dressed the kids up in pirate costumes, gave them names like "diamond delivery pirate princess" and sent them on a treasure hunt through the house with rhyming clues. the kids had such an amazing time. we were so blessed by them. We packed a picnic with cherries, grapes and homemade bruchetta that was so delicious. we also found these bubbly juice drinks that we enjoyed. we drove up the mountain and found this cute little gazeebo and watched the sun set...well it was pretty much gone by the time we got there...oh well...it was cooler that way!
but it was mostly hazy anyway...so we didn't get any spectacular colors. but it was so quiet up on the mountain that we were just able to munch our food and talk quietly and just enjoy each other and not have to worry about the kids going bananas during dinner! it was so great!
then we watched the city lights turn on...and then off again when the power shut off. it was so fun to see it from on the mountain. the city shut off in huge blocks at a time and then blinked on again slowly with generator power. with all the lights on though, it looks like a regular city in america...hard to believe. we spent the rest of the time together listening to music and trying to come up with some good lines for a new song about us and the journey God has put us on! i'm sure it will be a top hit...just like the one he wrote me 10 years ago when he proposed...

The Big City!

We found a bowling center in the Big City that is about an hour and a half away...however with the apparent traffic there...it took us at least 2 hours. but it was worth it. we also found an arcade..however only the pool tables and air hockey tables were working. they had at least 20 games and 5 or 6 little rides for kids...but sorry no worky! that seems to be the story around here. we even have a ferris wheel in our little town...but no worky!
here's toby bowling. he did great..however if you can't tell i will tell you...the floor was horrible...full of bumps and the kids guttered almost every single ball. they were so disappointed. toby ended up with 18 points though, not his usual 200 on Wii Bowling!
annie got a whooping 8 points and Jesse ended up with 7..although he could care less. we went to the bazaar earlier in the day and found a jackpot of a store with used toys and found 3 teenage mutant ninja turtles...even a giant one...so jesse was busy playing with his guy!
they did have a great selection of beautifully colored balls...this was the highlight of the day!
this is the bazaar in the big city! it was so hot that day...my ankles were sweating. so gross. it took me an hour to cool down after we got into the restaurant with a/c. but all in all it was a really fun day, we even found this furniture store that sells IKEA stuff! hooray! i didn't buy anything, but it's nice to know i can if i really "need" to! =)

New Life Center

This is what people will see as soon as they come up the stairs. This is our logo that Paul designed and our american friend Wendy painted on the wall for us! she is amazing! what i find even more amazing is that i can actually read those Kurdish letters now...hooray!
there are two rooms to the office...this is the office area/conference room. there will be 3 desks in here, along with a filing cabinet, bookshelves and this great conference table!
this is the "lecture hall" it's a giant room that we have tried to break up a little with a sitting area off to the right and a kitchen (not shown) off to the left. There will be about 20 tables set up in this main space for students and the white boards in the background will be hung when we start teaching English in August!
It's still a work in progress...so i will post better pics soon, but these are red and black couches. quite possibly the only couches in all of Kurdistan that do not have a pattern on them.
this is the outside of the building. we occupy the top floor, beneath us is a cleverly named store called "4 You" as you can see. apparently he decided to take up all the space for his stick on sign! we will have to be creative with ours!

Picnic!

alright these pictures are terribly out of order...but we went on a picnic with two great families on thursday. we went to the river where one of them owns a plot of land and has turned it into this great little picnic pavillion, complete with steps down into the river, a stone oven for baking bread and a beautiful view of the mountains.
this is Fala...isn't she beautiful?
yes...that is Tim...holding hands. i tried not to be too jealous, but can't you just see how awkward tim feels. he has held hands a lot with men since we have been here, not sure if it is any easier for him or not.
these are sheep kabobs...the kids scarffed these down...shhh...don't tell them it's sheep! =)
here we all are, with a cool breeze blowing off the river. it was an amazing afternoon and evening.
this is the stone oven for baking bread, he uses that pillow to put the flat dough on and stick it to the side of the oven, then they use tongs to peel it off when it is done. SOOO good!
here they are pressing out the dough.
this is the little pavillion area.
annie and the sweet little girl...whose name excapes me right now. they were so cold from swimming in the water. those little pink shorts the girl is wearing are actually her underwear. i call them pantaloons. it's what most of the women wear under their moxis...i totally need a pair...keeps your thighs from sticking together in the heat of the day.
all the kiddos in the water!


after dinner, we got tea and a drum and all sat in a circle. we played a couple of our songs and then they wowed us with their beautiful singing to the drum! the kids loved it. notice annie dancing in the back and then jesse using a cooler as a drum and toby waving a squeegee in the air! we didn't get home until 11 pm, but it was a wonderful night...it's what it's all about. i think the most poignant part of the day though was something i did not get a picture of. but it was driving to the site and passing several mass graves. they were just plots of land with large pointed rocks sticking out all over. they are graves of people who lost their lives during saddam's chemical warfare. it was horrifying. i have been reading about it lately and i just cannot grasp that while i was living as a pre-teen and teen...while it was awkward and there were many tears over zits and being unpopular, there were people right here living an absolute nightmare! there are stories of women having to choose from their small children which two to save, as they only had two arms to carry two to safety up the mountain to fresh air. this is unfathomable! only One can heal these hurts....

Happy Birthday Uncle Josh!

Today is my brother's birthday...so in honor of him, we decided to make a little sign and sing him happy birthday! We love you Josh and Logan too! we wish we could be there to celebrate you today! Know that we are praying for you and BELIEVE in you! You are an amazing Dad, brother and friend!
Here are a few words from the Book i felt were from the Father for you today:
My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words.
Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man's whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth,
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

We are lifting these words up for you. I believe that he wants to lead you through this time. I specifically see that he wants to make you whole and keep you focused on Him.
We love you! Happy 33rd!

Creating a Happy Family!

In an effort to create a happy, healthy, growing family...we have been trying new things to see what works for us. last year we started "rock jars" which were a big hit in the states and the rock jars made it over with us in tact, so we just started using them again. in the states the kids got to exchange their rocks for candy, but it seemed like we could do more with this system. they get rocks for being kind or sharing or doing something without being asked and now we have added if they do something productive like read a book, do a puzzle, etc. So now whenever they want to enjoy one of these privileges listed on the rock list they must pay out. so far it has worked really well. if they are short a rock or two and want to be able to watch tv, they just run and read a book or do a puzzle to earn their way.
another fabulous invention was our date jar, we used an old jam jar and cleaned it out and made this fun label. then we sat down together and came up with 20 ideas and folded them up and put them in this jar. in america we would have weekly dates with the kids. one week i would take annie, the next week tim would take toby, the next week i would take jesse and so on. we LOVED this time. it filled us all up and the kids look forward to this time more than any other time. we knew we had to keep this tradition alive, but in a town with NOTHING to do, it gets old really fast walking to the local store to buy a not so great ice cream. so we put our heads together and came up with some really fun ideas. annie chose this one...make play-doh and sculpt.
we decided to make edible play-doh first. we went to store to find honey, powdered milk and peanut butter(actually we can only get this in the big city...so we have several jars all the time) we enjoyed snacking on this yummy treat and creating little things.
but it was a little sticky and would get stuck in the cookie cutters sometimes. we also made some baker's clay and made a footprint and a little noah's ark....we had such a fun time together. some of annie's friends came in at the end of our date and they were so excited about the clay. i think we will make some today for them to create something. they rarely if ever get to make crafts and create things.

Jesse

Here are some random pics of Jesse....He doesn't nap at all anymore, because it is SO beneath him, but sometimes the heat and the intensity of playing just get to a little guy and Tom and Jerry can just lull you right to sleep. he was hanging off the couch and when we woke him up, he was so disoriented. Of course when you take a nap at 6 pm you know you won't sleep well at night....that's just what happened. he woke up several times at night and wandered into bed with us. at 4 am...we awoke to water dousing us...well mostly dousing Tim. if you know Tim, you know this is a mortal sin in his book. So we all woke up and Jesse was crying. We had to move our bed because our ceiling decided to leak right then. so we spent yesterday looking under the ceiling tiles for more water. the people above us have cement floors and for some reason, they sealed the bottom with plastic which causes condensation to build up. this is the only room that has it. we have had this problem before, but not on our face in the middle of the night. it was horrifying...maybe jesse will learn to not get in bed with us at night.
jesse decided to eat his snack the other day in the laundry basket under the drying clothes...notice my underwear hanging in all it's saggy glory. that is one thing i miss desperately...a dryer. all of our clothes are stiff and mishapen...but at least they are clean and smell good...I am SO thankful for that.
we can find bugles here, so we eat them by the truckload and jesse discovered, they also make great fingernails....or i think he called them tiger claws.
here he is reading a book about the itsy bitsy spider...
and his latest and greatest trick that he just mastered... the WINK...watch out ladies...it has magical powers to charm you!

The Attack of the Lizard!

This lizard may look harmless, but don't let that fool you. he may only be the size of my pinky finger, but he was out to kill me i know it....Right before we were putting the kids to bed one fateful night, Tim found a lizard in the kids' room, so we were all squealing and having fun with it. He was really small and the kids were pretty excited to have something in the house they can actually touch, instead of the cochroaches and scorpions we have been finding. So this guy looked like he could be fun. So i decided to grab my camera. I got down on my knees to take this picture as Tim was putting the lizard on jesse.
He quickly scrambled up Jesse's chest and then dropped off and ran straight for me. he ended up between my legs, i didn't want to move because i thought i would squish him. So i tried to figure out where he was. I had my pants rolled up, since it is 100 million degrees and i thought i saw him dash into the cuff of my pants. so i stood up and tried to gently unroll the cuff of my pants, only to discover he was not in the cuff, but actually in my pants! i FREAKED out...not an exaggeration. i couldn't feel him because he was so small. so i had no idea if he was still down low or headed north! i wasn't about to let him do that, so in front of Carol, our teammate who lives with us now...i pulled my pants off in record speed. we quickly shook the pants out but got NOTHING...so then i really started freaking out. i started running around the house screaming...no exaggeration and ran to my room to strip all the way down. i do have so decency and didn't want to totally traumatize everyone. fortunately, my new attire is long shirts, so i was mostly covered! =) I found nothing in there either. Soon, tim started yelling he had found the creepy little thing in my pant leg...so i could get dressed again. Then they continued to play with him until i kicked him out of the house permanently. i had been thoroughly traumatized for one night.
it's weird, i don't mind the scorpions i find. i really despise the cochroaches i find, like the one this morning peering out from the squatty potty. gross. i mean, seriously if you are going to hang out in a toilet, you are just NASTY...not worthy to live in my house.

random pics

annie has become my big helper! today she decided to do the dishes! Mandi...do you remember a very similar pic of you when you were little? except all you had on was an apron and undies...i told annie about it and she thought that was hilarious!
no...this pic has not been enhanced in any way...it really was this brown outside yesterday. our neighbor kids enjoying our hammock. they have no word for hammock, so they call it a swing!
this is the result of annie falling on jesse a couple weeks ago...a graying tooth! oh well...apparently this is 3rd generation. tim's dad lost his front teeth as a kid, tim had a gray one and now jesse is carrying on the tradition...i feel like i should have been told about this trend in our pre-marital counseling!

Independence Day...with a dusty twist!

annie got dressed before she even came out of her room. she had her outfit all planned out, including some new earrings that she made with our talented neighbor Ms. Bevin. she was SO excited to wear them! she got to spend a whole afternoon upstairs with Ms. Bevin creating and having one on one time together! she was speaking annie's love language for sure!
okay...it is not night time, it is plain day light and you can't even see the sky. the dust was SO thick yesterday. i wiped things down so many times yesterday and it kept getting recovered by dust. it was so deflating...not to mention eery!
who likes to only smile at the camera, especially when you are hot, hungry, tired and dusty!
this is a classic Jesse picture...shirt on backwards, grumpy look on his face, dirt smudged all over his face and sucking down a "Fanta!" typical TCK!
this was our version of fireworks. we found sparkling candles and a confetti popper that read, "Happy St. Patricks Day!" we had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, watermelon, zucchini, chips and salsa, rolls and a star shaped cake with cherries on top! everything was SO delicious and everything was made from scratch! we had our celebration on the roof!

Sharing is so fun!

today is friday which means it's the weekend here...well at least for a day. saturday is back to work for most and sunday is a work day for sure. it's weird. makes us feel like we never know what day it is. but we do love fridays and are enjoying making the most of those days. today we had to have our tanks filled with water because water only comes every other day and sometimes it doesn't come for very long which means our tank won't fill all the way, especially if there is no power for the pump to turn on and pump it up. so anyway, we had to get water, which means a guy wearing a cloth all over his face and head comes on a tractor hauling a giant tank of water to our house. he had enough water left over after filling our tank to fill our pool too. the kids were so excited. we have had the pool, but only have filled it once or twice because we don't ever have enough water.
so it started out with just our kids. but their shrieks of delight and splashing soon attracted a whole bunch of kids. we invited them in and decided it was worth it even if the water got terribly dirty or the pool could rip. we are SO thankful we did. because i have never seen the children SO happy. they were all jumping in. even our sweet zeelan who is 12 and at first said she was too old for such things. but it was so cold and refreshing, she couldn't resist for long. they were all splashing and yelling and running and jumping. the pool stayed together, but the water did get really gross. but it was worth it. the other moms tried to get me to dump the water soon after they all started playing, telling me it was "pisa"...dirty. but i told them the kids were having too much fun to care about the water. notice my kids have their faces in the water here. gross...but even after repeated warnings that the water was gross, it was just too much fun to spray it out your mouth at others. you might also notice in the video down the way that annie has a giant snot rocket coming out. who knows what else was in that water. i am happy to report we have enough water in our tank to shower them every day and so we did shower them after this. =)
zeelan and annie bundled in a towel after. they were cold, which in their minds mean they could all possibly be sick tomorrow.
sweet aram...
bevin and aram together.