The Texas Department of Public Safety

yeah...that's the place we all hate to go, because you have to wait in long lines of people that either smell funky or are extra-large. let's not forget the highly personable staff! so i haven't wanted to go, i have been putting it off for a year since i moved to texas. but i woke up on my b-day and remembered i needed to renew my license. tim assured me that i could wait a day or two, what could they do to someone with an expired license?? if you want to find out...keep reading! apparently if it is expired for even 1 minute you have to retake everything, the written test, the vision test, and the driving test!! so on my way home to get my passport and social security and proof of insurance and registration, since i no longer have a valid I.D. i got to study the 84 questions like, "Within how many feet of a crosswalk may you park, when parking near a corner?" or "How should you react when a traffic officer tells you to do something which is ordinarily considered against the law?" i don't know about you, but that seems like a shady question! so when i got back, the line of 3 smelly people had tripled, so i had to wait and get nervous and sit next to a guy who's license was expired for 2 and a half years and he didn't have to re-take anything, because he had a military I.D. i knew i should have joined the marines with my sister...so then my number gets called and i ask the lady if i might possibly use a grace card? she said, "what's that supposed to look like?" i just smiled weakly and paid her my $24 and then went and took my test. i passed, i only got one wrong! hooray! but the one i missed was a picture of a blank, white circle and i was supposed to say what that sign meant. i was like, i've never seen a blank circle sign...i didn't mention that when i drive, i usually have the cell phone pressed between my shoulder and ear, one hand passing back gum, the other hand spanking someone and my knee driving the wheel. oh apparently the railroad sign is the only circular one...whatever. why didn't they put the r and r on it?? tricky! so then i get my van to do the driving test. i get out there and a state trooper walks out...really?? what happened to the old man who smells like cigarettes?? he then informs me my emission inspection is expired and i have two brake lights out and i can't take the test. so i run to the nearest emission place, get everything fixed and come back. i then take the test. first thing i have to do is parallel park! great! i did it though, amazingly...because when i practiced i ran over tim's foot. however i forgot to signal left when i came out... minus 3 points. the man then begins to talk my ear off about where i am from and why i am here and wants to know all about iraq! so i get all comfy thinking, oh...easy A! NOT! i was so careful about stopping and signaling, but this guy "Tucker" was what his name tag said...says to me when we pull up at the end, "alright, well you did okay, you missed 15 points!" i took my hand off the wheel once, forgot to check my blind spot in changing lanes and didn't look both ways when i was turning right once. whatever...i passed! almost 4 hours later i came out of there! hooray for me! let that be a lesson to all of you, don't let your license expire!!