Birthday

 This is the cake I got suckered into making. This is my love offering. Tim says I just can't say no. At any rate, I made it because I love them. The day before I was going to have 3 guests from America arrive, my neighbor invited me over for lunch. At first I said no, but she insisted, so I came. I am always up for a free meal. After we get through lunch, she dropped the bomb on me. She said, "I want you to make the cake for Ramin's 1st birthday." I politely explained how busy I was. Then she really laid it on thick and said, "Oh, I just made so much food just for you and I have so many guests coming tomorrow. You have to make the cake." I was a little shocked at first, that I had been completely fooled. She didn't invite me over because she loves me, or because she wanted to spend time with me. She didn't invite me over just because. She invited me over so she could corner me into doing what she wanted. I was sad. A little mad, but mostly sad. She doesn't know any better. She doesn't know that we could have a true, trusting friendship. She doesn't know that she can just ask and plan ahead with me and I would do it purely out of friendship. She thought she had to force me into it. My eyes are wide open to the walls on the hearts around me lately. They will not let me in. They do not know how to trust. They do not know how to love. They only know how to feel shame and to cover it up with what looks like friendliness. 

 I made the cake and I went to the party. Watch out Pinterest....these folks could put your great ideas out of business.

 Party guests!

 The birthday boy looks a little terrified. He hasn't learned to cover it up yet.

 Party games.

 The cake was appreciated. It was accepted and eaten up entirely. If only I could get into their hearts this easily. 

It was mass chaos, loud and mostly insane. It drowns out the still, small voice. It keeps them from really having to deal with the question, "Am I loved?" We all do it. We all put up walls and hide from that question. I have. For years, I even tried to sabotage my relationship with Tim and force him to say, "you're right...you're unloveable." Until I started finally trusting God with my whole heart and letting him make it whole. I am not into their hearts yet, but I know that I will be. I know my own testimony will help unlock the pain and shame and then they will have to choose the Truth to heal them or walk away and put up more walls. I am waiting...