Lessons Learned in Iraq: Learning to SEE

 Most people wouldn't want to live in Iraq right now. 

I am not even sure I want to some days. 

The news reports would certainly make you want to flee for your life from such a crazy, bomb-infested land. 

A few years ago I started praying, "Lord, help me to have eyes to see." It was an earnest prayer in an attempt to understand the Father heart and to see others and the world around me the way he sees them. I wanted to see the beauty around me and call it forth. I wanted to put Romans 4 into action and "to call things that are not as though they were." I had seen in my own life beauty called forth. I don't even remember the insecure, scared, bitter girl I used to be. Through God's tender ministrations through others and my own small attempts, God has been gently and ever-so patiently calling me forth. He has been diligently re-shaping me and resolutely peeling back the scales on my eyes. 

You may see the turmoil in Iraq and think "RUN AWAY", but I see potential. I want to run away sometimes too, but I see an epic story being written and I desperately want to be a part of it!

You may see the fanatics, but I see my friends. I see their stories, their hurts, their fears and their hopes.

You may see the desolate landscape, but I see the underground springs, waiting to burst forth.

These light poles are a beautiful example of the subtle changes trying to etch themselves across this land. The color and beauty trying to be born.

 What a contrast these two make: the darkness and horror of poverty, next to the hope and joy of color. They don't see it, but I do. They don't even notice that hope is springing up. How can they? I don't know their story, but it could be one of the millions of refugee stories. People that are not worried about the color of things, only that they need to feed the constant hunger and thirst. Their story could be one of something even worse as people are exploiting so many of these children for their evil purposes. I don't know. What I do know is that Light and Color are being woven into their lives. They must choose to see it. They must make it their own. 

This has been one of the hardest summers living here. It wasn't any hotter than usual. It was as dusty as ever. For me, physically, not much has changed.  However, my life is constantly shifting inwardly. I am grateful for my home, my family, my friends. Meanwhile, all around me chaos is erupting and I am powerless to make it stop. Our initial reaction is to plug our ears and cover our eyes from the horror around us. I have forced myself to look at images of homeless Yezidis and raging ISIS. I have to SEE. Do I want it to stop? Absolutely. Do I want people to continue to suffer with no place to live, nothing to eat or drink? Absolutely not.

There is an unseen realm though. I am forcing myself to look through the natural seen to what is unseen. I can only barely see it. It's not clear. It's seeing through a glass darkly. I see that "on this mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine--the best of meats and the finest of wines. On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever." (Is. 25:6-8)

The shroud isn't destroyed yet. It's dark still. It's stifling. The veil is dark and a lot of times I can only see the veil. I can only see the pattern printed on the fabric and I accept it as the truth. 

Sometimes, our help to people here can just be more of a veil with the print of American dollars on it. It helps. No doubt. But it's only helping an immediate need. Here's where it gets so complicated. They must have food and someone must pay for it, but when it puts yet another veil over their eyes, how is that helping? I see people suffocating to death by the veils imposed on them and yet the world sees "starving people" and so we throw food and money at them. Yes, it's true they are starving! They need food, but the reason they are starving is because they can't BREATHE!!! Who will remove the veil? I have been undone as I have sat so close to the suffering and been unable to help them BREATHE. I struggle with giving them food, knowing that I hold the life-giving oxygen they so desperately need, but they refuse that and grab instead for my wallet to buy food. I am so torn. Of course I want to feed them. Of course I want to give what I can to take away the horrors of the images of desperate and destitute people. (Disclaimer: I think it is right and good to keep giving to physical needs as we feel led.)

I have veils too. It has been such a heart-rending summer to be changed and molded by all that is going on here. It's their story, but somehow it's my story too.  God wants to remove their veils, but somehow it is also about me and his never-ceasing, always pursuing love for me and desire for me to SEE. In some ways, it's easier to see past other's veils. My own can remain, but seeing through others is easier. I can see a land crying out for Truth. I can see the beauty that will be. I can see the springs of water that will spring up here. I can see the Freedom that is coming. I can see the Wind is going to blow through this land and bring Rain. When I exercise my eyes, I can start to truly see. Like Toby, I have to patch my "good" eye, so I can train my weaker eye to truly see. 

What I didn't realize when I prayed the prayer to SEE was that it wouldn't be only beauty. Along with the gift of sight is ability to see Beauty and Death. Both are real in this world right now. I can also see this land is in bondage to Death. It's not just what you see on the news, it's something much more insidious. It's something that can be debilitating. It's something that lurks and hides and disguises himself so that you can never feel like you really see. First, it looks like fear, then depression, then anger, then discouragement, then sickness. The list goes on. It leaves you exhausted and ready to quit. 

Death has ruled supreme here for centuries. He has been untouchable. The few he has lost have been inconsequential. He has sat on his kingdom in complete control without having to do anything. On the outside he has seemed all powerful and indestructible. But the evil he has birthed is even getting beyond his own control. The eyes of the world are upon him now and he is squirming. It's uncomfortable to be really seen. So he has begun to move around to try to keep people in his control. This has caused his true scent to be released. It's disgusting. He is rotting from the inside out. It's a stench that clings and sickens. As horrible as this stench is. It's effecting so many people and hurting them, but the world is seeing a little bit and some of the people here are starting to smell it for the first time. They are refusing to just accept it. As horrible as his stench is, it means there's a chance! It means he is moving which gives people the chance to finally escape!

 Yet, the amazing and baffling thing to me is that LIFE GOES ON. It must. While a few kilometers away from this peaceful scene, all hell is breaking loose, we continue on. It has been so confusing this summer to not know how to act and so we just keep going. It's what we have to do. 

It's what Noah did. Chaos was breaking out all around him, but he just OBEYED. He built an ark because of what he "saw" ahead, what was revealed to him. What a painfully slow process that was. The tools were so crude, the workers were few, the plans were SO huge. How overwhelming! Yet, he obeyed. One day at a time. Building an ark did NOT look like the right thing to do at the time. It seemed foolish. It seemed like a waste. The thing to do would have been to go out and fix people right? 

We don't just want people's needs to be met. We want this to be their REAL chance to escape! We want the ark to be for everyone here! 

"Every act of obedience unlocks a door of power to the Believer." ~Jimmy Seibert

I want to be known for my obedience, even if it looks wrong or bad. Although I admit I still desperately want people to like me. I reject that for obedience.

Even as I write this, my vision is so poor. It blips in and out and I wonder if I really am seeing. I wonder which is true. This looks real. Happy children, playing in the street. That is tangible. That is real and yet....

I am not a philosopher. I am not a logical intellect. I am pure, raw emotion. It's not the smartest way to approach the world, so I am not claiming any answers. I am only saying, I am trying to SEE. My signal is weak, but I have faith that it is strengthening daily. 

I choose to SEE.

I choose to OBEY.

"Every bush is aflame with the fire of God, but only those who see take off their shoes. The rest just pick the berries." ~Margaret Browning